I do that a lot. I think about things. And I think maybe I should write them down. And I never do. And sometimes I jerk off. Ooooh shock factor. This is so old hat, let’s start again.
I live in a world that seems to be overstuffed with things, with ideas, with people, with books and movies and TV and games, most of them almost 90% identical in almost every way. So I don’t expect to do anything anyone hasn’t done before a million times when I write this crap. See, I am already sounding a bit like a Catcher in the Rye knock off. I read that book not too long ago. Good book. Apparently very popular with murders, but that’s besides the point. What is the point again? I forgot. Anyway, blah blah blah this blah blah blah that, emo depressing whining, life sucks, yadda yadda yadda.
So I say to my friend online who I never met, I say, "I gotta write something" and I am writing something. Something that I don’t know what I am writing. Circle. Anyway, Sex. Yeah. That’s what all stories need, because no one would read them otherwise.
I met this imaginary catgirl named Jiggles in my head and fell in love with her. Too bad she doesn’t actually exist, but that doesn’t get her down. She cheers me up when I am sad and stuff and I snuggle her at night, or a blanket I pretend is her anyway. Jiggles has her own Gaia account and sometimes goes with me on IRC and has many friends there. And we have imaginary sex with her too. Sometimes I turn into a girl, some times other people join in with us too. She is quite reluctant at first but she gets into it… she is a very moral person, always trying to do what’s right, and has a sunny and happy disposition, and is very caring and sweet. She can get upset when people are mean or bad things happen. She is very open and honest, but she worries that she gets into things like sex too much. I guess that is partly my fault, after all, she lives in my head and picks up some of my thought patterns.
I made myself a imaginary castle for my more chaotic and eccentric side to dwell in. My Id so to speak. I call him Killo Zapit. It’s a name I came up with long ago by pounding random letters on the keyboard until it turned into something like "kilodgzasf" which I combined with the name of a gun in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Good Book. Apparently very popular with nerds. Wait. I am a nerd. Does that mean I am a murderer? Naw, I didn’t really like Catcher in the Rye THAT much. Oh well.
So Killo Zapit is a traveler who goes across the multiverse and does stuff. That’s basically my way of saying I play lots of video games, watch TV/anime/movies, read books, and such. So Killo has gotten quite wise in his own accord. But at some point I decided to divide into two halves, one the chaotic and amoral Killo Zapit and one the calm and noble wanderer of my dreams.
I dream a lot. Ever since I was a kid. And my dreams usually repeat the same basic themes over and over. The Wanderer is one of them. An epigamic figure in a dusty gray or brown cloaks with phenomenal almost god-like powers who is reborn into many other guises and loses his memory and powers until awakened by some event. He fights The Emperor in his huge city of steel and technology while wandering the wasteland just outside it’s massive walls.
So slowly I found myself with all sorts of other personas and characters that I would invent and I played them out in chats across the internet with invisible friends I have never met. As far as I can tell, it’s really not that unusual either… others do near the same thing, though what is unusual is I am 28 and most of these others are slightly over half my age.
So yeah, in short, I am a big loser.