Tipaz Ollik (tipazollik) wrote,
Tipaz Ollik
tipazollik

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Memory. Don't forget...

I wrote that in big letters on a image and set it to my desktop background. Because I was up again thinking at night, like I do most every night, and most every night I come to some conclusions and vow to do this or that, and then promptly forget about it or don't feel like it in the morning. Hence my life never changes and I am stuck in a rut again. I am never motivated to change, so I never try.

The problem here is basically two things: That reality for me seems often something of a wakening dream (even if I can tell it's not) and any conviction I have to change just vanishes as I return to my natural state of mind. My mind-state never holds, I forget why I care so much and wonder off in a daze for hours on end. I forget all about what is going on in the world and what it has to do with me. I forget my goals and my aspirations to the future. I run on autopilot as much as I can and forget all the things I need to change.

Still reading? Probably not. Which is good because what I will say next will probably make some people mad. I lost the game while thinking of this. And I am glad. And whats more, I decided I am going to give up on "winning" it, and just try and lose as often as possible. Being good at forgetting things is a skill I really really don't need.
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