The problem here is basically two things: That reality for me seems often something of a wakening dream (even if I can tell it's not) and any conviction I have to change just vanishes as I return to my natural state of mind. My mind-state never holds, I forget why I care so much and wonder off in a daze for hours on end. I forget all about what is going on in the world and what it has to do with me. I forget my goals and my aspirations to the future. I run on autopilot as much as I can and forget all the things I need to change.
Still reading? Probably not. Which is good because what I will say next will probably make some people mad. I lost the game while thinking of this. And I am glad. And whats more, I decided I am going to give up on "winning" it, and just try and lose as often as possible. Being good at forgetting things is a skill I really really don't need.